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Wolfgang Birdflock Hellborn Mozart
Wolfgang Birdflock Hellborn Mozart IV, (October 32, 1845 — November 22, 2003) more commonly known simply as Mozart (probably because he copied Rozart and thought that Mozart was his coolest name, which it was, even though it's not really all that cool anyway) is most famous for inventing the piano and growing up with it as if it were his brother, making out with it (back then, incest didn't matter), having sex with it, making babies with it (there is a difference), and raising children with it. He loved the piano so much that he forgot that he loved it and so one day there was this annoying kid sitting outside Mozart's house and he was playing a game boy. Mozart explained to the police that he didn't do anything, but they wanted him to explain why he threw his piano at the boy and ended up killing him; Mozart continued to deny this until his death in 2003. History Birth & childhood Mozart was born on September18, 1845 (or something like that) to a mother, Rosie O'Donnel, and a father, John F. Kennedy. Both of those people had been famous and had gotten famous from playing the piano and so they had wanted him to try playing the piano, to which he was automatically a success (you probably read about this or heard about it/watched a video of it in your Music Appretiation class or something). However, Mozart had no interest whatsoever in playing the piano, being a pianist. Instead, he favored rap music, as quoted by him in 1870, when he was just 15 years old, or whatever: "It has always been my lifetime dream to be a professonial, famous rapper, as you see on TV and hear about in the newspaper, on the Internet, stuff like that." So he started making rap and stuff like that and he started actually, when he uploaded some of his rap videos to YouTube, getting hits and good ratings and millions of views (his Bohemian Rhapsody Rapped Up got 16,117,866 views total, before Warners Music Group took it down in 1888 for it being "racist" and "Queen's".) Adulthood/Career Mozart had similar hit videos, including covers such as that one and others, namely God Bless America Rapped Up, The Mexican VMA Awards Rapped Up, and The Soundtrack of Bambi Rapped Up, all of which gained millions of views and ratings, launching his first single that he created on his own, called "Symphony No. 16", which was full of alternative hip-hop and sad, too, into mainstream popularity, because his wife had just left him and would have left him for the next 15 years or so. The Grandest Symphony of All Time In 1904, when he was 49 (or something like that), he was interviewed by the late-ish Bob Barker, which revealed that Mozart had been secretly had been working on a "grand symphony" that had been in production ever since he was born, and that he planned to release it in 1972, if he were still alive then, and he would be 117 had he still been alive then. So for the next sixty years he began working diligently on the next symphony and finally, in 1971, when all of his fans were already dead, he released it, having a name for it, which was: The Grandest Symphony of All Time, which was a very short, two minute long piano rap that really pretty much sucked, and so everyone started hating him and so he lost his job. After adulthood For the remainder of his life, from 1971-2003, he spent it simply as a male prostitute out in bars and throuh online dating websites and speed dating sessions with several different ugly chicks, despite his advanced age of 116-158. Death Eventually though, on November 22, 2003 (or something like that) he was in a car accident, as he was delivering pizza and it was rainy and he hit a cat, which caused his car to flip in several different ways (spectators say seventeen different ways) and he died on impact, with the famous last words being "Tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable!" Musical style Wolfgang Birdflock Hellborn Mozart is probably the only person who has effectively and famously explored the Piano-Rap genre that adults hate so much but everyone else considers okay. So that was his profession and genre and there's not really that much more to say about this topic. Other than the fact that, briefly, in his 27th symphony, in 2002, which he creatively named Symphony No. 27, he explored and experimented with the rap-metal combination fusion genre, even though that's been done many times before (by Linkin Park and Miley Cyrus, notably). Controversies DUI On September 14, 1871, at age 25, he was caught drinking and speeding at 15 mph on a small road and was given a DUI in which was eventually dragged to court due to the fact that, since, when he was given the ticket, his breathalyzer reading was of 0.35, he proclaimed, "I'm not paying this, you dirty son-of-a-bitch bastards!" and he was knocked out with the policeman's nightstick. After court, he had to serve a total of twenty years in jail, and so he didn't get out until 1893, when he was almost forty-nine (dang!). Breaking into the Mall Also, on January 14, 2000, at age 154, he was arrested for breaking into the Mall and buying skinny jeans. At first, the judge didn't want to do anything, but after hearing that it had been Mozart who had used a crowbar to break into the Mall to buy the skinny jeans, he was sentenced to six months in prison. Personal life From 2000 until his death in 2003, Mozart had a dog named Roadie which he had renamed CaPouche (pronounced Cuh-POOCH) and he had stolen the dog from Miley Cyrus who had stolen it back in 2004 after his death when she broke into his home, with a crowbar, of course, ready to kill him, but found him already dead so she just took her dog and left. Also, he was married to yo momma from his birth until now, in which she still sleeps in his grave and such weird things like that. If you ask her she always says "no" but there's the reason she's always out and not in her bed at night. See also *The Mall *Internet *Rap *Piano